


It Can't Be Heaven Without You

by Leata



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Drabble, Fix-It of Sorts, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Post-Season/Series 15, so many feeings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28899183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leata/pseuds/Leata
Summary: Dean had never stopped thinking about it. Even as he tried to move on, even as he took his last breath. He never stopped wanting or trying to get Cas back, to talk to him. They couldn’t avoid each other for eternity. They couldn’t not talk about it. Dean couldn’t be too late.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 52





	It Can't Be Heaven Without You

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this after watching the last episodes and I hope you enjoy it 
> 
> [BrattyAngel1980](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrattyAngel1980) is an amazing beta, thank you so much for helping me with this and giving me the confidence to finally post it.

Dean had Sam, he had his parents back. The way they were meant to be, the way they were before Mary died. Before John started drinking and training his sons to fight a war they shouldn't have been a part of but were so proud that they had been. Before Mary returned lost and saw her children that had grown up without her. Dean had everything here, except Cas. Dean didn't have Cas, and he wasn't sure why. If he heard then he knew _didn't he?_ The angel had to know that he didn't just have to be happy with being. That they could have more than that, could have had. 

Sam tried to convince him that maybe he hadn't heard Dean’s prayers, maybe he had somehow misunderstood. Dean wasn't sure, it wasn't like he hadn't stopped thinking and praying to Cas even when he filled out a job application that he never got to turn in. One that he had done with the sole thought of Cas in mind. Cas would have wanted him to live, he had figured, to finally relax for once. Dean hadn’t stopped praying even after he had sucked in his last earthly breath in Sam’s arms. Cas couldn't avoid him for all eternity. It was impossible. Heaven was as vast as the universe but eventually, Cas had to see him. He had to. Dean refused to believe that just because he was dead that they had missed it. That he had failed so desperately that the angel refused to see him. Cas had once told him that he heard Dean's prayers, every one of them. Which meant that the angel must have heard his sobbed nightly prayers between watching Cas be ripped away from him and Dean’s death. Castiel had to have heard him. Dean just wanted his Cas back. 

Dean’s eyes rolled over the place that was his, not far from Sam and not far from their parents or Bobby’s. It was nice, it had everything he wanted. Sam had just left him off to meet up with Gabriel, leaving Dean to sit with a beer on his front porch looking over the lake that was perfect for fishing. Dean heaved a sigh wiping a hand over his face as he thought about Sam’s words. Sam had hammered into him again about just calling for Jack. Sam had gone so far as to say he would soon if Dean didn’t. Dean figured that was fair, Cas was his friend too. Sam deserved to see him too. Dean rolled his eyes, nerves gutting at him, he wasn't as good with words as Cas was and certainly not as brave as Cas had been. The image of the angel's tearfully joyful face burned into his soul. The way Dean had near begged him to stop, it hadn't been fair. Dean could admit he was still angry, _you don't get to say that and then leave._ Dean had said it enough times in his prayers, rolled it in his head enough that it still felt like fire when he thought it.

Dean closed his eyes, rubbing his eyes, thinking about what he feared the most. That Cas wasn’t going to come because he had made it seem so impossible, so unbelievable. Dean sighed out a groan. It was. He had pushed as hard as he could desperate not to pull Cas closer because of too many feelings he never had to express before, ones that were too complex and large that Dean had never been able to say them out loud. Dean knocked back the rest of his beer glowering at the lake in front of him.

"Cas, come on man. I know you're here somewhere. I...We can't just leave it." Dean called out, raising a hand to pull and rub down his face. 

He didn't look up, too afraid Cas still wouldn’t be there. 

"Cas you...you can't just ignore me for literally forever!" When Dean was met with nothing but the sound of the wind through the trees and the sound of calm around him, he growled low in his throat. "You got to say everything you wanted to my face. I didn't! Come here. I deserve to say it to your face and not a fucking lake!" Dean finished desperate, his voice breaking slightly, the idea of never seeing Castiel's face again starting to clinch his soul with dread. That his inability to speak his feelings quickly enough had destroyed everything, that he had failed Cas so deeply. "Please Cas…it can't be heaven if you're not here." 

He felt it then, as fear started to overtake him, the feeling of air shifting, of sudden warmth like a ray of sunshine blasting over the snowy pines. _Cas_. Dean's head snapped up at it, speechless as he looked over the vessel he had loved for so long. Dean lost himself in the happiness at seeing Castiel breathing and looking right at him. Impossibly blue eyes filled with grace once more, his angel complete once more, the way Castiel was meant to be. The gruff stubble over his jaw, the trenchcoat Dean had placed so carefully away the first time he lost the seraph. Cas simply looked back silently not even voicing his normal greeting of a low _Hello, Dean_ , his face twisted in a sorrowful smile. The statuesque angel was unable to deny how happy he was to see Dean again, but still reluctant to hear what Dean would say to him. It was only fair after all.

Dean was on his feet and launching himself off his porch at the still angel before he could think. He always did this, his body thinking before his mouth could. The hug was familiar and gripping, Dean afraid Cas would vanish again if he let go. He held tighter to him at the thought, burying his face into Cas's neck. His nose taking in the smell of fresh ozone and the warmth of the brimming grace within the vessel in his arms. Cas's arms were around him instantly, the angel holding on tight despite himself, his grace clinching in the nearness of the soul he had saved so many times. Unable to resist the feeling of the warm righteous soul in his arms once more, Castiel held tighter. Dean refused to let go, even as he pulled his face from Castiel's neck. 

"Cas." His hand came to hold Castiel’s cheek, his fingers caressing his cheek and soft lips. Fear still gripping Dean’s eyes, he never thought he'd see him again.

"Dean you are not obligated to say anything. That was me finding my happiness. I was fully intending to see you. I would not have avoided you for eternity." Castiel smiled wetly having missed the sound of the nickname on Dean's lips. His head leaned to the touch unable to not cherish it. 

"Obligated? Cas didn't you hear me?" Dean's eyes narrowed, shaking his head, disbelief shadowing his eyes. 

The tilt of Castiel's head was one that Dean recognized instantly, he hadn't. 

"Cas, I love you too. I love you doesn't even begin to describe what you are to me. You are so much more than just family. You kept me fighting, kept me sane, kept me human." Dean watched the angel's eyes widen as Dean held tighter to him and pushed on. "You and Sam are the only ones that ever mattered at the end of the day, no matter what. I would do anything for you, Cas. I shoulda done more for you…” Dean looked down for a moment, licking his lips steeling himself. “I'm not good at words, Cas. I'm sorry…” Dean raised his other hand, holding Cas’s face between his palms, not looking away from him as he spoke. “I'm so fucking sorry you didn't know. That you would ever think you couldn’t have me when you already did." Dean watched as Castiel searched his eyes, his soul, finding nothing but bare honesty. Dean swallowed back the lump in his throat, his thumbs stroking Cas’ cheeks tenderly. "No one knows me more than you…” Dean chuckled wetly, a wiry smile spreading over his lips. “Profound bond and all." 

Castiel watched him, his blue eyes widening as Dean punched out the words he had never thought he’d hear. He thought Dean would never say the words, never hoping that the human would return his feelings in the same way. Jack's badgering made more sense now. Jack had heard whatever Dean had prayed to Cas while Castiel was still asleep in the empty. Castiel licked over his own lips suddenly at a loss for words, his eyes searching Dean’s tearing eyes. 

"I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to talk." Castiel started looking at Dean as Dean held his face, pressed close into the space the human had once complained so much about. "When Jack woke me, all I felt was anger. I thought you wouldn't want to see me." Castiel had missed the words before Dean’s frustration.

Dean frowned, shaking his head viciously, "Never, angel.”Dean insisted fiercely, his right hand leaving Cas’s face to hold his shoulder, touching the trench coat that always suited Cas, looking down at it for a moment. “I mean yeah, Cas, I was pissed.” Dean nodded looking back to the blue eyes, biting out his words. “I am pissed. It wasn't fair; you can't say goodbye like that! You can't say that and then...then-" Dean's words stumbled out as the image of Cas being pulled into the Empty filled his mind, his hand fisting in the tan coat. 

"I didn't mean to hurt you.” Castiel said firmly, pulling Dean’s attention away from the memory that had tormented Dean, hating to see the broken look in Dean's hazel eyes. “I just couldn't let you die, Dean." 

Dean's lips twitched into an easy smile, his right hand returning to cup his angel's face, "Promise to try harder to use my words." He hummed, leaning closer, desperately wanting him closer. 

Castiel laughed at that, rolling his eyes with a smile. "Don't promise the impossible Dean." 

Dean let out a chuckle, shrugging slightly as he looked over Castiel’s face. His left hand sliding into the short black locks. "I'd try for you. I got forever to get better at it right?"

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone is doing well out there! ❤️
> 
> If you'd like to follow me for updates, previews or just to chat you can find me on Tumblr [@Leatafanfiction](https://leatafanfiction.tumblr.com)


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